Search Term: WNIT

Possible reasons for search volume?  Hmm… WNIT.com is for sale - only $4650!  That can’t be it.  WNIT public television? This week on WNIT, John Denver sings… that’s not quite news worthy.  Maybe, just maybe, this tiny news story, texas tech women’s basketball selected to play in Women’s National Invitation Tournament.

I know that Texas takes it’s sports very seriously, but I thought that there was so little interest in women’s basketball, even in Texas, to garner a #6 on google trends.  Maybe this is an upward trend, the beginning of a golden age for women’s basketball?  I really have no idea, but maybe it’s a slow search day over at google.

Talk about diversity! All seven of tonight’s top 7 google trends are about the same top news story - which I haven’t read. This really narrows down my available blog topics for today, but do not fret… Instead of running over to CNN to see what I am missing, I will instead take this opportunity to write what I think probably happened, based on the top searches…

Governor Spitzer Endorses Prostitution

Today during a press conference, Governor Eliot Spitzer of New York made a completely unprecedented move by endorsing legalized prostitution. Spitzer made his position very clear by publicly promoting and supporting a bill facing New York law makers, “The Streetwalker Initiative”, that would decriminalize the sale of sex in all of New York. In the same news conference the Governor shocked the audience by revealing his past as a panderer, or pimp, on the streets of New York. The Governor said in his statement, “I am tired of hiding my past, and constantly worrying about my reputation, and it’s time that the people of New York face the progressive future, and legalize prostitution… Whores are in our future, legally or not, and we can’t continue to ignore this taxable commodity.”

Many have commented that by revealing his involvement in the prostitution trade, Spitzer has made himself completely vulnerable to legal action, but he’s not worried, “I am intensely confident that the people of New York will be behind me one hundred percent on this issue, and I do not fear retribution or legal problems, as this dark age of repression will soon be history.” Unfortunately for the Governor, it appears that nowhere near his predicted 100% of the state’s population is behind him, as many are calling for his resignation and arrest.

Spitzer’s wife, Silda, owner of the Emperor’s Club in New York City and long suspected madam, had no comment. It is believed by some in the law enforcement community that Spitzer and his wife are still heavily involved in the prostitution trade in New York, and across the eastern seaboard. New investigations into the matter have been launched by all major law enforcement agencies in the last 24 hours. Meanwhile, many in mental health circles are questioning the Governor’s mental stability and overall sanity. Only time will tell when and how this unfolding drama will conclude.

I hope my prediction is a near exact copy of the associated press article, and then I can pursue a lucrative career in telephone-psychic work. If that doesn’t pan out, I guess I might have a shot at writing for The Onion. Anyway, if you really want to know what actually happened to get all of the country search-crazy for Spitzer terms, you might as well check out the real news.

P.S. What ever happened to George Pataki? Wasn’t he the governor of New York? I’ve never even heard of this Spitzer character.

First off, who the hell (in this century) is named Thaddeus?  And, of those of you crazy enough to be named Thaddeus, who actually uses their full name?  Wouldn’t Todd or Tedd or something make you fit in a bit more?  Or maybe, that’s exactly what Thaddeus Matthews is trying to avoid.  The secret/crazy Matthews plan: #1, use full name of Thaddeus instead of Thady - check!  #2, post pictures of a murder victim on your blog - check!

Without reading a word on his blog, I know this man is crazy, because he feels it’s appropriate to post pictures of a murdered woman online.  This is apparently breaking news, as of today.  The fact that he would do something so strange and inappropriate basically justifies his rank as #4 on tonight’s top 7, so I might as well quit talking about him while I’m ahead.

Graphic: *not Thaddeus Matthews* - but, this pic was definitely too good to pass up.  This drawing of one of the apostles, Jude Thaddeus, is hilarious.  I mean, how grumpy can a drawing get?

We are young…

heartache to heartache…

Ah, a classic 80’s ballad from Pat Benatar - what are you doing in the top 7 google trends today? It seems that the song was performed on American Idol tonight, causing the masses of teeny boppers to search for details about this elusive and mysterious top 5 song of 1984. Hopefully Pat Benatar’s scary look is something the kids can relate to, and there will be an awesome resurgence of 80’s pop/rock over the next few years.

More likely, American Idol will tell people what music they like and want to listen to on a week to week basis, and the herd of sheep that is today’s youth with give Apple their allowance money to download their favorite Idol’s songs on Itunes, so they can transfer it to their shiny new Ipod, and be a unique and beautiful snowflake.

What a morbid group that is out there searching these days - why is everyone curious about pancreatic cancer?, or maybe there is some sort of unseen epidemic evolving right before our eyes?  More likely, some sort of news story is in development - Pavarotti died of pancreatic cancer, but that was last September.  My own search on pancreatic cancer brings me to the ever useful and most likely corrupted wikipedia article on the subject.  A malignant tumor with 33,000 new US cases per year doesn’t sound like the kind of sexy disease that should be making it to the top of google search, but who am I to disagree?  Can you live without a pancreas?  I doubt it.

As it turns out, cancer isn’t really that entertaining, and is definitely more depressing when blogged about.  So why is it ranking in google trends?  Turns out Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer - definitely bad news.